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[09 Nov 2015|04:16pm]

I put your photos up yesterday, had them packed since my move. <3 you had a way of making everything and everyone beautiful.

Many of the models in the pics are in this group...not that LJ is all that active anymore.

Miss you Katt.
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Happy Birthday Katt! [30 Mar 2007|10:46am]

A very happy birthday to you today.
I am sitting here thinking back and realizing just how much I miss your late night chats and gossip sessions that you so dearly loved. I miss your sage advice and the experience behind it when we talked about art and photo work. Every time I schedule a shoot with a new girl I remember the one thing you said to me that will stick forever with me. I won't say it now, but you know what I am talking about.
More than anything I just miss you and always wish there had been more time to know you better s a friend. The Guiness will run high tonight in your honor. Happy birthday!
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kattaryna.com [27 Nov 2006|04:50pm]

After too long of an absence... kattaryna.com is back! Tell a friend! Hell, tell an enemy!
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damn I miss you [20 Jun 2006|07:17am]

Hey Girl - can you believe it's been two years now? Two years plus since we had your version of breakfast (you at the door with two 12 packs of Heinies). Two long years since we last looked at each other and said our goodbyes. You said it was just good bye, not farewell because we'd see each other again. I wonder somedays how long that good bye will be - will I see another version of you during this lifetime - or will it be on the other side? I still miss you, sometimes I think you're sending me messages on the radio - pretty silly huh? I've picked up the phone less now, don't try to call you on the fly anymore - but that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about you.

I'm going to keep this short - and I'll stop by this week to share a heiney with you - I've been wondering what you think about the new "light" version. Although I've never known you to do something halfway or "light" - so I'll be sure to bring the regular kind.

I hope Bumper is up there with you giving you kisses - and I'm sure you've found a new beer nipple for her. I love these pics that you took of her and I - so I'll use that in this post. I love you and miss you.
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Happy Birthday!!! [30 Mar 2006|05:57pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

I hope you enjoyed your Heini....and flowers.
You now officially have the most pinwheels...only to keep you cool my dear
I love you and miss you so much....I think of you daily..

You know how bad I am with words so hopefully you heard me earlier, and hey I hope you liked my hair. Kayla wants to dye hers too so I'm pushing for bright highlights, so visit her in her dreams to get the creative juices flowing.

We enjoyed a lot of b-day's together and I'll be there every year to share a couple of drinks and a few more laughs.

Love you Bunches

Nikki & Kayla
Gizmo and Stanley

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I love you, I miss you, Happy Birthday [30 Mar 2006|08:13am]

Another year come and gone - I miss you alot, and hear you in the strangest places. There are songs that I hear on the radio now - and know that it's you talking to me.

I miss your phone calls, and the gossip, the reality TV shows, OMG the beer! Or breakfast as you would sometimes call it... ;)

Thank you for all that you did and have done for me. I'll kiss the girls for you, just like in this picture that you took.

Happy Birthday, sweetheart, Happy Birthday...
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Happy Birthday, Love. [29 Mar 2006|06:46am]

I miss you, always.
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Running Up That Hill [01 Mar 2006|05:46am]

[ mood | depressed ]

"So if I only could, I'd make a deal with God, And I'd get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, With no problems."

I miss you, precious! I miss you more than you can imagine and more than I ever though possible. It’s hard to believe that it’s been two years since this whole ordeal started. In fact, it was two years ago today that you said “I really don’t feel good. I think maybe you should take me to the emergency room.” I knew that you’d been feeling shitty for a week or two… just a few days before we went to the hospital I remember you sitting on the couch, rubbing your belly and saying that “it feels like something is trying to claw it’s way out of my stomach.” Sadly, you were right. The rollercoaster ride really started after they tested your blood and urine and the ER doctor said “there are white blood cells in your urine. It’s probably just kidney stones or appendicitis.” Then an hour later, the CAT scans came back. I don’t know where that doctor learned his bedside manner but when he said, “There’s something bad going on in your abdomen… cancer or a tumor. We’re going to admit you to the hospital and put you on Dilaudid,” It felt like someone hit me in the head with a baseball bat and nothing has been quite right since. I didn’t put it together then but the Dilaudid should have been a red flag as to what the doctor actually saw on your CAT scan. There’s nothing stronger than Dilaudid… it’s basically pharmaceutical heroin. It was so cute and adorable how much you enjoyed that first shot. Sadly pain management replaced all the laughing and giggling within in a day or two. When I left you at the hospital that night around 4am, I wanted to ask the ER doctor “what the fuck did you mean, cancer or a tumor?” But then I realized that he was pretty fuckin’ blunt, he probably meant exactly what he said. Anyway, what this all comes down to is that it’s been entirely too long since I last saw you and spoke with you... since I last held you and kissed you. I had never heard thoughts and ideas like yours before I met you or since I lost you. I miss you so much and on so many different levels! You were absolutely everything to me. If you get this note, please feel free to visit me in my dreams. Without you, they’re pretty much all I have any more. I love you Katt! See you soon?

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I love you and miss you dearly [28 Feb 2006|08:35pm]

[ mood | indescribable ]

"everything you gave to me changed everything I used to be"
Every moment of my life I am reminded that you were my muse and inspiration.
You make me a better person everyday. I will never be able to express my gratitude. I love you gurl!!

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She touched so many of us... [20 Jun 2005|11:37pm]

Funny that someone could be so unforgetable in just two seperate weekends spent together out of a lifetime of weekends...but if anyone could it was Kat.

That last weekend when She, Barbee and Ugly Shyla and I spent the night at her bed and breakfast, talking for over 24 hours about just about everything. As if the first weekend we had met it wasn't an instant familiarity, and heart warming welcome and an all nighter at her hotel. She even came with Me to have the first time being hooked through m\My back.

She was honest, strong and dedicated. She was a very lucky woman in a beautiful marriage to an even luckier man, the way she talked to me about how she felt about that made me actually made Me queston My views on the subject. I know that of all of us that miss her, and share this hurt, none of us could ever have a void in our hearts as much as he does left by a woman so amazingly strong and beautiful.
I never met him, but I wondered the day I heard of her death how it must be for him if I had such little time with her and I felt this much loss. Better to have loved and lost Kattaryna than to never have known her love at all.

If she liked you and let you in it says a lot about you as a person. She never wasted her time on people that weren't worth while...she spent every moment of her life filling it with people that were something special, even if they didn't realize it yet. She put her whole self into her art and her life...and thankfully when cancer was diagnosed she didn't suffer it's torture long (though the chemicals from work did give her hell).

Kattaryna, you are truely unforgettable.
I hope you are happy where you are...till we all meet again.
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*sigh* [20 Jun 2005|09:59pm]

I miss her. I miss seeing her beautiful photographs. I miss her witty posts.

I can't believe it's been a year.

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fate [20 Jun 2005|09:11pm]

fate is such a strange thing. i think of kat often even though i only met her in person a couple of times. she photographed me and gave me self esteem that i didnt even know i had. Last weekend my fiance and i were in st. petersburg for a job interview. he got the job and we are moving to the area in two weeks. i am so sad that this is happening now and not two years ago.. i just cant even put it into words... it would have been wonderful to have a friend like her in the area. as excited i am about this move i have an empty space too.
i miss you kat.
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Dear Kattaryna [20 Jun 2005|08:59pm]

I wrote this months ago and I never truly finished it.  I think I'd only thresh it by attempting to polish it up, so I'm including it as-is and adding a little to the end.

It's been way too long since we last spoke. It's funny, I didn't notice it so much when we were talking regularly, but now it becomes more and more apparent what talking with you did for me. You left me with more questions than answers whenever we had a conversation about something heavy. It made me really think. You always provoked honest evaluation in me – whether regarding myself, other people, or anything else in the world. From you I learned the value of being real with myself. It's not so easy without someone who isn't afraid to prompt that sometimes unpleasant behavior, but it happens.

So much has happened in my life that I want to laugh about with you, or show you with pride. I've come so far since we met and I know you'd be happy to know your role in it – if I could get you to admit to being a part of how I've risen from where I'd fallen.

I wanted to write this as if I we had just been separated for awhile and hadn't spoken. That I was really going to communicate with you through this. But I can't. There's no ignoring the fact that I'm never going to be able to talk with you again. To bullshit over some amusing gossip or get worked up over people acting like jackasses in our lives. Or just talk about the little things going on in our lives. Never again.

It hurts. I miss you so much. I didn't intend to get wrecked over this, but here I am with a soggy face and a constricting chest.

You told me, that last time I saw you, that you would be honored if I would be one of your pallbearers after I hesitated when you asked me if I would be one. I have never been able to understand. How is it that someone like you held me in such apparent high regard? Measured against you, I'm completely unimpressive. You threw out bullshit wage jobs to do what you really wanted to do. You traveled the world and saw so many things that I barely have the imagination to understand. You sailed through confrontations and challenges like a juggernaut of cool.

* * * *

I miss you terribly, but I cherish what you've left with me.  I always thought it was a bogus cliché when people would say that someone who had died lived on in the people they knew, but now I know better.  You live and act through me and all of the people you touched with your amazing spirit and I can only think that if we'd had you here longer you could've changed the world.

Please stay with me as you have this past year and I'll continue to make you proud.  I promise.

Love, Light, and everlasting cases of Heineken,
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[20 Jun 2005|03:36pm]

I hope you can see the boobley turning one year old... maybe you even met...
..im going to make it a point to tell her about you..
..that I can promise... because you worried about me when you should have been worrying about yourself....
..because you were always wonderful to me...
..because you were always wonderful to everyone...

..and because you made a great lemon drop!

You touched many peoples lives... in ways that maybe you didnt even know you did...

I sincerely wish i had known you much much better...

..you are missed by many...and that says much.

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[20 Jun 2005|02:30pm]


I hope you are enjoying your infinity & beyond, Katt.

(x-posted from my journal)
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One year........ [20 Jun 2005|02:03pm]
One year ???? It feels like 100..
I miss her more and more everyday. I'm trying to learn to remember rather than being so mad all I wanted to do was forget. I got together with other friends and had drinks in her honor and told old stories this past weekend. I visited her gravesite not to long ago and wanted to say thanks to Chad for the beautiful plaque that lies above her, it's really beautiful. Although I may have fucked up in the past she continues to be by my side all the time, even while I was there she managed to "poe" me and I could hear her laughing about it. She "talks" to me all the time in everyday events, and I hope to always hear her. I love her and miss her more each day.
So.... To Infinity and Beyond......

luz u gurl!!!!!!!!!!

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[20 Jun 2005|02:01pm]
Well I came to this journal today so I could read what everybody's doing lately and to place a thought about Katt but it looks like I don't come here often enough and now have to post to cheezfood and to all of you about my actions. My name is Nikki aka nbadkitty. I did consume (steal) liquid *ana* from cheezfood refrigerator. I was watching their home that weekend while he went on a stressful trip to see Katt's parents. I am remorseful and ashamed of my self of how my actions caused cheesfod so much pain and anger but was not deliberate or intensional nor was my thought process to steal the bubblegum. Yes,I do have a history of dealing with addiction. I did want to forget where I was that night and took some liquid bubblegum to calm my nerves (sleeping in the very spot Katt passed away) My unconscious behavior lead me to consume the entire half bottle and when cheezfood came home found me passed out in their home. I have repeatedly said I was sorry and that I would replace it. If I could go back I would change it but I can't and I have to live with my actions and for all of you who want to kick my ass I've done enough of that myself. Nothing I do can repair the damage and hurt I've caused cheezfood that day and that's what I have to live with forever and if anybody wants to yell at me and kick my ass my number is 813-787-3464 I don't have internet access all the time. Now from reading his post that there were arrangements with the bubblegum I really do feel like a piece of shit. Yes I know Katt would kick my ass if she were here but more so for hurting cheezfood than the actual act of consuming drugs that did'nt belong to me. Although I do know what I did was wrong I have yet to figure out how to fix it.
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missing you [19 May 2005|06:00pm]

no other reason for this entry then to say I love and miss you so much katt. I am so glad this journal is still up, because in some wierd way it makes me feel like you are not to far away. Katt you inspire me everyday to live a fearless life. You will never know what a gift you gave me with your friendship. I love you gurl
missing you
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Happy Birthday Kattaryna.... [30 Mar 2005|09:25am]

[ mood | sad ]

You are never far from our thoughts. I

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I can't believe it's been a year already... [30 Mar 2005|08:43am]

Happy Birthday kattaryna...

I can still see your cute little face with the Hello Kitty hat on that we brought you last year. You looked so cute. and then there's the pillow with the kitty that kept molesting your easter bunny. I can't help but smile when I think of how strong you were.
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